farters have to be the big spoon...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
