He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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