there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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