His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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