Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
