Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
