My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
