i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
