I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
