just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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