Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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