I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
