This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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