I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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