Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
