I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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