Buhtt sex?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
