i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize