Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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