I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
