How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
