I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How does one acquire holy water?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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