If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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