I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
