I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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