Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
