those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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