Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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