Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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