on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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