On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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