Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
