Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.