he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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