Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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