I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
