doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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