I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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