I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
