hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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