I'm so fucking centered right now
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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