her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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