oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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