The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
