After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
