we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
