i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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