Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
