I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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