the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
