Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
