dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
