well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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