just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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