I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
