he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
