We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
