you have to choose: penises or morals?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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