yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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