Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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