It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize