11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize