When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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