Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone came in the potted fern
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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