i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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