someone get that fucking seahorse.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
