Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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