I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she told me i tasted like america
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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