Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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