She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
