I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
