Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
