I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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