I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
